Emotion Follows Thought

I'm not a huge fan of cognitive-behavioral therapy, that great bedrock of modern psychotherapy, especially as practiced on the public in government-funded services. It works well for some people, and that's nice. I just happen to prefer other approaches.

But today, I'm borrowing one of their basic truths: emotion follows thought. What we think influences or even dictates how we feel.

If we think that our job is great, we'll feel pretty good going to work every morning. If we think our job sucks, we won't.

It's basic, it's true, and most people know it. Most normal people know that their thoughts and beliefs and the conclusions they draw about things inwardly informs how they feel and how they experience their life. And if we just choose to see things in a more positive light, we'll feel better.

We know this. We've been told, over and over, by high school teachers, by well-meaning people older than ourselves, by Oprah and her posse of doctors and coaches... but for some reason, we don't do anything with this information.

There's some generalized resistance to it. We feel like using this simple technique of consciously reshaping our thoughts amounts to self-hypnosis, or the cessation of free will, or something. Like we'll become automatons. Like we'll be vulnerable to propaganda. Like we'll lose a part of ourselves.

This suspicion isn't entirely without merit. The truth is that changing your thoughts means being less authentic, at least for a little while. Until you get used to it, until framing your interpretations of the world more positively feels more natural, and until you individually figure out how to do so without losing your ability to keep it real, it feels artificial. Forced. Wrong.

I propose, rather than going all the way over to the positive-thinking cult, you could simply start holding paradoxes.

A paradox is two opposites existing simultaneously. For example, my job is great, and also, my job sucks. Both can be true at the same time.

So, when you find yourself having a thought that you know makes you feel like crap, try asking yourself, "What else is true?"

For example, let's say your car needs $1000 worth of work you weren't expecting. That sucks. I, for one, would likely resist anyone trying to get me to frame this positively. So rather than trying to drink the cognitive-behavioral kool-aid, what else is true?

Well... I love my car. My car has been awesome and it's almost paid off and it's comfortable... etc. And even though the mechanic's estimate is a major bummer, remembering what else is true can help lighten the dark, sticky feelings that go along with that particular thought.