Meet Your Aspects

There's a truth about consciousness that makes most people uncomfortable: that is, that we aren't just one personality.

A lot of people believe that to admit they've got disagreeing "voices" in their heads, arguing about the best course of action, or what entree to order, or whether this neat new shirt is overpriced... this seems "crazy."

But the thing is, we all have multiple personalities. I talked about it a bit here in the context of inner children, self-abandonment and dignity. Today, I'm feeling inspired to write more deeply on the concept of competing intentions.

First, these "voices"... they aren't voices. They're aspects - normal parts of human consciousness. When people talk about the hallucination of "hearing voices", generally that means that it's uncertain whether the voices are internal or external. If there's any confusion about that, well, that could be a sign of psychological decompensation. But most people know it's just inside their head.

Inside your head voices are normal. Unsure of whether the voices are inside your head... that's concerning.

Most aspects are the aforementioned parts of us that get fragmented during challenging experiences, mostly in our formative years.

There are also some aspects that come from being human. Factory loaded, if you will.

For example, the aspect that feels violent rage but is suppressed during the normal socialization process. It's still in us. For most people, it's deeply buried and any stirrings there tend to confuse us and make us feel scared or ashamed. For others, those who haven't suppressed it sufficiently, they tend to lash out sooner or later and land in prison. Or anger management.

Another of these aspects is our primal alpha urges, the non-verbal part of us that launches us into fierce competition, sometimes when we'd rather it didn't.

See if this sounds familiar: there's a job or role, somewhat important, that's being proffered in your direction, but you aren't interested. Then someone else wants the job, and you suddenly don't want them to have it. Suddenly you're interested. But you're not. Wait, what?

Or, you're in a social situation, a party or bar, and some member of the opposite sex is there but not interesting to you. Not on your radar. Suddenly, one of your peers starts pursuing this person and you suddenly need to get in the game. This person is suddenly taking over you radar and you're inexplicably on missile lock.

These particular aspects can really throw a wrench in things when they conflict with what our normal, polite, socialized minds want. Voila! Competing intentions. A milder form of cognitive dissonance.

We find ourselves doing things that we wouldn't normally, contradicting ourselves or behaving passive aggressively. We don't understand what's going on with us, or why we can't seem to get over something, or get going on something. It's confusing. It's discombobulating. It hurts our self-esteem.

If you don't relate to this, if you don't get indecisive and confused and behave like some alien force has taken over your body, that's a good thing. You're lucky. You're also not normal.

As for the rest of us... we need to develop the skills of aspect herding. Come into acceptance that different parts of us are going to want different things occasionally, and cultivate mediation skills. Learn to identify and articulate what the competing desires are, and then make executive decisions. Implement inner diplomacy - soothe the parts that lost out, and offer them some compensation.

Find the ways that work for you. Sometimes it's talking out loud to your aspects, and letting them use your voice to talk back. Or, try writing. If they won't speak through your usual writing or keyboard, try putting the pen in your non-dominant hand. Empty chairs can help; talk to your aspects in the empty chair and then go sit there and let them respond.

Again, whatever works for you to open up the peace talks. One thing that won't work so well - pretending the competing intentions don't exist. That, I think you already know.