Stop Swatting, Start Sleeping

Certain self-care and psychological truths are just... pesky. They're things we know very well, but we don't manage to use the knowledge, put it into practice, derive any benefit from it. Because it's... pesky. It's like swatting away gnats.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know I should exercise and eat better. I know I should get more sleep. I know I should probably work on my unresolved grief. (Just had to throw that one in.)

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

"But I don't have time." This is the gnat swatting phrase. Because you don't! You work, you maintain relationships, you keep the house somewhat clean, you feed yourself, you try to stay up on news and entertainment so you aren't a complete loser... and if you're raising kids, forget it. Who has time to eat better, exercise, sleep or go to therapy?

Sorry, people. Not having time is just a socially acceptable excuse for hitting the self-destruct button. You're channeling your feelings of inadequacy and unworthiness into a program of self-punishment. Your inner critic loves this. And, there's a bonus: if you're tired and stressed out all the time, and you're a martyr to all your demands and duties, then no one can fault you for being imperfect.

If you don't relate to this, if you joyfully give of yourself to your work and family, and you look over all the commitments in your life and can't imagine giving any of them up because of how fulfilling they are, and you rarely feel resentful or overwhelmed at only having 24 hours in each day, that's awesome. Truly awesome. You're not normal.

Everyone else, out of the pool. It's bedtime. Because you need your sleep.

Sleep is a mystery, a mystical experience, a daily touchstone to spiritual surrender. I mean really. We go unconscious. We give ourselves over to vulnerability, to dreams, to our humanness. We trust enough to let go, at least for a little while. We trust that we'll wake up in the morning. We trust our bodies to know what they're doing. And we do this every day.

Except those who don't. They don't sleep, they can't sleep. When clients come into my office with sleep problems, it signals likely trust & safety issues. They almost always turn out to be atheists (bitter ones) or to have serious, knotty issues with god/God/gods. This is an extremely painful way to live, not being able to let go and rest and sleep. It makes people nuts.

The rest of us, the ones who don't get enough sleep because of the self-destruct program and the pesky nature of the need for sleep, well... we're just making ourselves nuts.

So cut it out.

You know how much sleep you need. It's an individual thing -- some are truly fine on 4-5 hours and others need 8-9 just to feel like themselves. You know what it is for you. There's no "I shouldn't need so much sleep" allowed. Your body knows, and you need to let it lead.

Start carving that time block out of your nights (or days, if you work swing) and go to bed. Just do it. Bzzzzt. Just do it.

If you have trouble falling asleep, it'll be tempting to just chuck the whole pesky idea. Don't. Retraining yourself is part of the process. Here's an article with some pointers.

The benefits will make it worth it. You'll have more patience & clarity. You'll treat people better. You'll treat yourself better. Your body will heal itself more quickly and easily.

You may feel like you're supposed to be this way, have these qualities, anyway -- that how much sleep you get or what vegetables you eat or whether you take walks isn't supposed to impact who you are and how you treat people.

Wake up. You're a human animal, and who you are is a fluid concept. It absolutely changes according to how healthy your body and mind are. So do yourself and your people a big favor: take care of yourself. Get some sleep.