The Pitfalls of Leadership, For Normal People

Leadership is a strange territory that really does a number on people.

Generally, our culture values leadership but produces very little of any measurable quality. That’s not to say there isn’t any – on a national scale, we’re currently pretty blessed. But how many good leaders do you encounter in your daily life? And how many annoying, posturing, wannabe leaders do you encounter in your daily life?

Most of us are socialized that we’re supposed to want to become leaders, but few of us actually do. Some pursue it dutifully, because they’re “supposed to,” and they rise to some position of incompetence in their particular kingdom (a.k.a. The Peter Principle) and then proceed to drive the kingdom crazy. Others avoid leadership, constantly making slight adjustments to their course, tiny acts of subterfuge and sabotage, in order to escape the possibility, while still appearing to pursue it.

If this doesn’t apply to you, if you were raised with a core of self-confidence and a deep and balanced respect for everyone’s interests, and if you feel the fear & uncertainty but step forward anyway, willing to serve, congratulations. You’re not normal.

For the rest of us, the idea of wearing the crown is mildly panic inducing. But chances are, sooner or later, you’ll have to play the role. And this is a good thing – it can be very maturing and self-esteem enhancing, as long as you can avoid certain pitfalls.

Some of those pitfalls are subtle, subconscious beliefs that we normal people tend to suddenly develop when thrust onto the leadership plank. We don’t mean to – they just show up! They don’t make any sense and they’re painfully embarrassing, but what are you gonna do? There’s no vaccine.

Awareness can help, though, so here are a few to remember on a daily basis.

(Seriously, please don’t use this list to beat yourself up – that’s not the point. Have compassion for yourself – and your bosses – as you recognize yourself and them here.)

1. Your time is not more valuable than everyone else’s. It may really, genuinely feel like it is, but it’s not, no matter what the salary differential. Acting like it is may feel appropriate, in this role, but it’s not. Your dad’s/mom’s/mentor’s time was not more valuable than yours. Seriously. Game up.

2. You are supposed to make mistakes. Real leaders make mistakes, admit them and recover from them. It’s impossible not to be somewhat afraid of a mistake, but don’t let that fear take you over. Annoying, posturing wannabes won’t allow for the possibility, or pretend they don’t make mistakes, or cover them up/blame others/make excuses, or deny. Go on, make mistakes. It’s not optional.

3. Denial is deadly. Open your eyes and be willing to see what’s really in front of you. Negligence is looking but not seeing, and it’s easy to do. It helps to have a clean mirror – a consigliore who’s willing to tell you when you’re off-base. Listen to him/her.

4. Trust yourself. Take in all the input, listen to your people, sort through it, ruminate a bit, and then go with what you feel is best, and stand by it. Stand by it, humbly, as the best decision you could make at the time, even if you end up changing course later. You can’t please everyone, so trust what your unique combination of experience, intuition and skill tells you. It’s why you’re in this position.

5. Insecurity is not the same as humility. You may feel like coming slightly unglued shows your people that you’re human and gives them the opportunity to be valuable. It doesn’t. It shows them you’re not leadership material and it burdens them rather than leading them. Having humility means staying centered as you also practice 1-4. President Obama’s motto during the campaign was, “No drama.” That’s a good one!

It too often happens that we’re given a leadership opportunity and end up scarred. The learning curve was too steep and the results were too disappointing and we give up, feeling like a failure, feeling like there’s something wrong with us because we couldn’t seem to step up and pull it off.

If this sounds familiar, there’s nothing wrong with you. Watch the pitfalls and try, try again. Your leadership, based on your unique combination of experience, intuition and skill, is needed. Be a good monarch, now, and don’t keep your kingdom waiting.